Day 4//Update

Continued//Picture Everyday

Why now?

I guess I should explain why I DID start now, when I have already mentioned how it was such bad timing. Normally I would have waited, and instead spent some time planning of thinking about logistics and the like.

The night before I started I had received some news which was neither bad nor good but the implications of which troubled me greatly.

I live in America now, and I’ll describe my past homes later, but about a year ago I moved here from Australia (Though I was born here). We lived there only about 2.5 years, and the move there was a traumatic one, to say the least. I met the best friend I have ever had there, and moving back was miserable as I had to leave her. Our parents work for the same company, which is how we met. Her family was with me for some very tough times, which is why I feel a very deep loyalty towards them.

In moving back I decided to spend a time trying to make myself a better person, and this is a part of it. A few weeks ago my friend and her family came to America to visit family and us. It was quick to realize that while I had changed (presumedly for the better), she had not. Without going into details, she is no longer the person I would choose to spend time with. I was planning on slowing down our relationship and eventually cutting it off, when we were told that she was moving back. She would need a friend through the tough times, and she had been there for me, so I felt an obligation to stay friends with her. But a friendship that is not built on a want, not a need, to be together is not healthy. So for the next few days I was feeling a little down, acting very moody and spending most of my time brooding and sulking.

Then I decided to get over it. There was still two months before she moved, and I was not obligated to force a friendship that wouldn’t happen. That would not make anyone happy. At any rate, the problem could wait. I turned on some up-beat music real loud, cleaned up the house, and then felt a little let down with nothing to do. I wanted to keep the feeling of accomplishment, knowing something would come along to bring me down if I didn’t keep it up. I wanted to DO something, wanted to keep doing things. I wanted to complete who I’d tried to become this past year. Even if it takes another year, I started the Quest for these reasons.

Thank you for reading this long post. Thank you for reading. Obviously not many people have done so, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time.